Relationships can be hard work, especially when we don't even realize in the moment what we could be doing to treat our partners (and ourselves) better. Recently, people on Reddit shared the sneaky little relationship mistakes that too many of us have no idea we're making, and I definitely felt called out by a few of them. Here's what people had to say:
1. "Getting complacent and slowly putting less and less effort into the relationship."
2. "Keeping a list of things you did, thinking your partner has to match your efforts to keep it even. I did this, so it's your turn to do that. Surefire recipe to fuck up your relationship."
3. "Not keeping a separate life outside of them."
4. "You're actually supposed to like your partner."
5. "Bending over backwards for someone who doesn't put any effort into the relationship. It always ends in misery."
6. "Trying to deal with things on your own because you don't want to burden your partner or upset them. You are in this together."
7. "People not realizing that the smallest things make a difference. Putting clothes in the hamper. Making them a cup of coffee. Helping without being asked. Etc."
8. "Viewing your partner as an enemy during arguments. It shouldn't be me vs you, it should be us vs the problem. A lot of people would rather feel like they got the last word in or were 'right' about something than make sure their partner feels safe, loved, and respected."
"Whenever I get stressed, I can get a bit snappy. My husband has this really great way of saying 'hold on, we’re on the same team,' which reminds me that it’s us vs the issue, not us vs each other. He truly is my better half in every way."
9. "Putting your partner on a too high pedestal, instead of seeing them as an equal. Once they look down on you, they will always look down. Don't put them on a pedestal, and refuse to get on one too."
10. "Moving too quickly. Your brain feeds on that initial spark of love like a drug. You become addicted to it and aren't always able to effectively evaluate compatibility until a certain amount of time has passed, and that drug starts to wear off a bit. But by the time this has happened for most people, they might have already gotten engaged, moved in, or somehow else have tied their lives together."
11. "Never thinking about what you want from a relationship or why you are in one in the first place."
12. "Acting inconvenienced when your partner is trying to connect. My most recent ex would be on TikTok all day, and anytime I opened my mouth, they would sigh and act annoyed as though I was 'distracting' them. It got to the point where I just stopped trying to talk to them. Death of a relationship, right there."
13. "Leaning on and going to someone outside your relationship when your relationship has problems, instead of working it out with your partner."
14. "Staying in the relationship just because you’ve invested so much time (sunk cost fallacy). You’re either going to be unhappy forever, or eventually realize you should have left a long time ago."
"Especially if you have children, shared finances, or large assets. The sunk cost grows deeper and deeper. I laugh when I think back to falling for the sunk cost fallacy because it had been 8 months, and I didn't want to find a new flat for the last 6 months of uni. 17 years later..."
15. "Focusing too much on all the things that you're doing for your partner that you're missing what they're doing for you. Similarly, focusing too much on their mistakes and completely missing your own."
16. "This is something my therapist once mentioned. Adults forget how to PLAY. However you play (being silly, playing fun games, pranking each other, little things that make you feel like a kid at heart), you need to keep doing that. It reminds you to be fun with each other, a trait that is usually lost pretty quickly after things get comfortable."
17. "Being dependent on your partner for everything is usually a huge mistake that I've seen people make but won't admit. Maybe it worked back then, but now? That usually opens up to a situation they can't walk away from. I wouldn't feel comfortable getting into a relationship where my partner controls everything while I have nothing."
18. "Expecting it to be 50-50. Yes, it's great to be absolutely equal in the effort put in and received. But honestly, sometimes it's 70-30 because I'm having a really shitty time, and I only have the capacity to put in 30, and then my wife puts in more, recognizing that. Then other times it's 20-80 because my wife is the one who needs space and time to heal or cope with something, and can't put in the 50% needed. A relationship is supposed to be a safe place that rejuvenates you and energizes you; it's not supposed to be a place that drains your energy."
19. "Arguing on an empty stomach. Like bro, are you mad or do you just need fries?"
20. "Letting off the gas when it comes to changing things. I often fall victim to implementing a change we discuss at length, but then I think I have accomplished everything we talked about, and let it slip my mind, and repeat the cycle. Save yourself the trouble and don’t lose focus on holding yourself accountable!"
21. "Forgetting to check in on your partner and your relationship. Just a simple, 'How do you think we're doing these days?' Forgetting to be curious about your partner just because you see and talk to them all the time."
22. "Texting all their challenging conversations. There’s so much opportunity for miscommunication."
23. "This is one of the biggest issues for my husband and me: the benefit of the doubt. I ask him one sentence, and he will often misconstrue 10 different things that he thinks I feel, mean, or was actually saying. We are on the same team, we are partners — sometimes it’s just a question. He is very defensive from his own family and childhood issues, and unfortunately, I get the brunt of it a lot."
24. "Not expressing negative emotions or telling your partner they have upset you. This leads to built-up resentment and sometimes contempt."
"I had a relationship that I thought was great! Finally, a drama-free relationship! But eventually it made me realize that I found it hard to communicate with her how I feel about certain things that upset me, because I didn't want to create drama. Eventually, the relationship just crumbled because I became increasingly distant from her."
25. "Arguing about the argument."
26. "I love the advice a priest gave my friends. God doesn't pick your partner; he puts them on your path, and you pick them every day. Some days I get irritated with my wife, my kids, and my life, and then I remind myself that people beg and pray for what I have, and I stop, I give everyone forehead kisses and put down my phone, book, tools, etc, and sit and listen to them for 30 minutes. Listen to them talk, no feedback, no conversation, just listening and reacting to what they say. The value of just stopping and appreciating someone is immeasurable."
27. "Not practicing humility. We are all human beings, we are allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven for them, but we have to couple it with the humility and integrity to properly apologize to the people we hurt and take accountability for the past. Without being able to properly face the past and practicing empathy for oneself and those around them, they will forever feel a perpetual victim to the world and people in their life, while never making the honest changes that could turn their life and how others treat them around."
28. "Saying 'yes' too much or being 'too supportive.' I’ve seen people run themselves ragged and eventually want out of relationships because they feel like they have to support every whim of their spouse, and they eventually get exhausted and resentful. The spouse isn’t always taking advantage of them either, they just feel like they have to say yes all the time."
